I've been struggling with taking the next step in personal and professional life for some months now. While examining my life trajectory in detail is a regular occurrence for me, there are several aspects of this cycle of contemplation that make things much harder than in the past. Primarily, I don't have a clear gut feeling about what the most important aspect of my next move needs to be. That's a really weird sensation for me.
I'm a highly cerebral and intuitive person most times with tools and intellect to navigate complex moments. However, right now I find I lack the right questions to ask myself so that my path can become clear. Imagine a storybook bridge and a troll asking challenge questions, and then imagine being both the adventurer AND being the troll. Not so easy.
I'm finding Tara Sophia Mohr's Playing Big book and blog extremely helpful. It's so impactful, in fact, that I want to buy copies of this book for all the women in my life. All of them - mothers, grandmothers, sisters, cousins, friends, co-workers... It's helping me identify those sophisticated, subtle thoughts that are holding me back from my next breakthrough. Mohr's book is gracious in that she points out that brilliant woman are exceptionally brilliant at holding themselves back (not consciously, of course), therefore it may take a bit of work and digging to find those snags you're creating for yourself.
Fighting for the next upgrade to your soul, mind, heart and body is a worthy battle. Right now, I admit a profound confusion. One of my mentors told me, “it’s ok to wander.” I meditate on that, and it calms the anxiety that comes when one doesn’t have a certain, fixed point of reference. I recall the biblical imagery of important people wandering around in wilderness (uncultivated land) before they go on an important mission. That sounds about right. But what the record keepers simply gloss over by saying, “he wandered in the wilderness for forty days and forty nights...” is in fact, gritty, confusing and hungry work. Perhaps it's impossible to describe adequately, so they don't even try.
So maybe I am that gal in the picture, wandering in the wilderness and seeking new heights. Yeah. Maybe that is me after all.
