I wake up every morning, a little sad, poorly rested and
restless of mind and soul. I search on my phone for news stories and personal
updates that might engage me, might draw me out of the grayish mood I
constantly find myself in. But it’s not very effective. I end up feeling bored,
jealous of my so-called friends’ lives, and maybe slightly amused by some
recent scientific breakthrough. If I’m lucky.
What I really want is something truly brilliant to greet me
in the morning. Not the ticking of the clock to remind me it’s time to wake up
my son. Not the trudging of my husband’s feet as he moves from coffee maker to
shower to closet. Not the disobedient, tiny screen that I demand fulfilment
from. I’m hungry. God, I’m hungry. I want something big, chunky, challenging,
with real texture and flavor.
Like a burger for breakfast.
I was at a small team-building meal one time, and it was
breakfast at a local shop – something we decided to try because it was
different. We had a higher likelihood of actually making it if we started our
day with a meeting instead of breaking our day’s chaos to try to meet for lunch.
And so we did, that once. I was looking at the menu, and everyone was ordering omelets
and waffles, but I ordered a burger for breakfast. They all stopped and stared
at me as I gave my order. “I thought you were joking,” one of my colleagues
said.
No. I’m not.
I don’t joke about this type of thing. I feel unpleasantly
drunk daily with useless information, meaningless activity, and self-pity that
somehow I can’t shake this feeling of disappointment. Where is the substantive
stuff? Where are the worthy content and ideas and conversations?
Well, whatever. I decided today to just write into the
oblivion and see what happens.
This isn’t my first attempt to do what I’ve felt born to do.
No way, Jose. This is like the fifth. But maybe I’m just bottoming out and in a
“fuck it” enough kind of mood to do what I need to do. Write, you bitch. Write for
your life.
Ok. But first, I need a burger for breakfast. And some
fries, too, please.
